Some people begin or end their day by seeking stillness and silence. I’m one of them, and I’m lucky to have both the Sussex coastline, beautiful parks, and the Downs on my doorstep.
For me, a walk where I can pause and sit with my dog somewhere uncrowded - with long, uninterrupted views and an absence of non-natural sound - is important to my wellbeing. I feel physically relaxed and mentally creative in quiet environments. I often have ideas or resolve dilemmas during times when my senses aren’t distracted by external input.
Not everyone is the same. For some, stillness is uncomfortable, and silence can be particularly challenging. Busy environments – the hum of people, movement, chatter, activity – can all feel more soothing and provide momentum and structure.
Both ways are forms of regulation:
- Some people regulate through less – less, noise, less movement, less input.
- Others regulate through more – more activity, more connection, more external input.
Implications for counselling
The traditional set up is a quiet, peaceful room, and a conversation between two people that often contains pauses and silences – space for processing and reflection.
For many, this feels natural and soothing. But for others, silence and pauses can feel uncomfortable – and that’s completely normal. In fact, silence is probably uncomfortable for most of us at times, especially before we know the other person well.
I love it when clients tell me how they regulate and what makes them feel comfortable in the counselling room. I tend to ask how someone feels about silence so that I can give them space to hear and process their own thoughts and feelings, while taking account of personal preferences.
It’s not only fine – it’s genuinely helpful – to say things like:
- “Silence makes me anxious – can we have more back-and-forth” or
- “I need time to think before I answer – I need time to respond”.
Similarly, let me know if you enjoy sitting in stillness in the counselling room, or if you prefer to walk around, or want to use fidget toys (your own or the ones I keep available)
Your way of being is welcome in the counselling room
I want my clients to know that although I am naturally quiet and calm, that doesn’t mean I expect stillness from anyone – especially those who are high-energy or who regulate through movement and an absence of silence.
You don't need to mirror my way of being. Counselling works best when the space adapts to each client – not the other way round.
